I sat with my anger. I held its hand and thanked it. I breathed deeply. Looked at it. Acknowledged it and then asked, “Why are you here?”
“I am here”, anger replied, “because you let everyone violate you and take you for granted. You donot draw your boundaries.”
I sat there, frozen, in silence, absorbing this. Anger, which I thought was bad, which I was taught is the root cause of every evil, which I was conditioned to believe it has to be controlled, was actually playing a beautiful role in my life. It was a gift.
That made me think, “If I embraced this gift, the gift of drawing boundaries, what would happen?” “Will anger go away”?, I thought to myself.
I went on an inner pilgrimage. I went back in time and observed all incidents that had made me angry. The underlying aspect in all those situations was that I felt violated in some way. Not respected, not honored in some way. I allowed people to take away my power, I felt helpless. And there came anger to protect me. Because I could not protect or honor myself.
Anger was playing a wonderful role.
So, there I was sitting with “anger” again. “Tell me anger”, what should I do?”
Anger replied, “Draw boundaries, Re-claim your power and I WILL BE GONE”.
You may ask, “What happened next”? “Did you apply boundaries? Did anger go away?”
“No, Not Really”, I say. It is a PART of me. How can a part of ME go away? You see, every emotion is a part of us. We are, as Carl Jung, says, a 360 degree with various personality parts.
“Then what’s the point?”, you may ask.
“Well, Anger, right now stands away – may be as a gatekeeper, guarding, not controlling – just watching whether I let any unwelcome guests inside.
As long as I don’t, it keeps quiet. The moment I “Allow” someone to take my power away, whenever I am helpless or let anyone violate or manipluate me, whenever I ‘allow’ this, the Gatekeeper comes ALIVE.
Anger is a guardian. It’s an ally. I understand it’s gift. The more I apply and use this gift, the more it just stands at the threshold, ‘watching’.
The moment I don’t apply the gifts, it walks right back in.
Every emotion is a gift. You just have to sit with it and ask, “Why are you here? What role are you playing?”
Can you do that with your anger? With your fear, insecurity, jealousy, resistance?
Comments